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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

And now a word from our sponsor ...

Blame Bush, entitlement mentality amuck, crooked Mayors/Governors/Congressmen ... Hypocrite senators grilling Judge Roberts ...

Ophelia is hitting Wandas home state ... praying for her family that's still there ... glad the kids are here. Worried about the flooding it will cause more than its 'strength'.

Broke hand is still killing me ... working my tail off this week with only a couple hours sleep the other night.

CALGON ... TAKE ME AWAY!

So right now I am not going to talk politics. No news. Maybe just a pinch of opinion ... ok ... maybe alot.



Have you ever loved someone? Have you ever loved someone so much that it actually scared you?

There's many forms of fear in that case. The fear of losing your own identity. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of change. The fear of responsibility. The fear of becoming a burden. The fear of abuse (mental, emotional, physical ...). The fear of expectation. The fear of appearances.

The list is long, but be it an emotional fear, a mental fear, financial concerns, situational matters, etc. it all funnels down to one thing ... self esteem. The fear of rejection.

It is something you have grown into over the years based on experiences. Everyone faces crap in their lives that can either cause the problem to grow, or cause the person to fight to regain the esteem that is rightfully theirs.

No one can change that in another person, no one can cure that in me. A person can only take esteem from another ... getting it back has to be done by ones self.

I say "everyone goes through crap". The key word is "through". Those are the few that do not stay in the crap and live in it, they go "through" it. It isn't an easy path. It often isn't a short one either.

Ever love someone so much that you were afraid they would find someone better and you would be left alone ... again ... ?

Ever regret not just loving that person, without fear, so you could love them with everything you feel instead of holding back in the thought that somehow you were protecting yourself from getting really, deeply hurt?

It's a self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes by being afraid and holding back expecting to get hurt, you see things that may not be what they seem and shut yourself in deeper with more expectation of what you believe is inevitable.

Sometimes closing up is what causes you to lose that person.



Ever regret not just loving a person, without fear, so you could love them with everything you feel instead of holding back in the thought that somehow you were protecting yourself from getting really, deeply hurt?

Don't. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid.




Wanda ... I love you more than anything in the world. You came into my life and saved me from myself. Without you I am but an empty shell with no direction and no meaning.

I don't offer much besides hopes and fears, but I know you have them to. We both have had crap. We both will see more crap. We both will more than likely sometimes give each other more crap.

Take my hand and let's go "through" it together. I don't want to finally end up out of my crap one day and you not be there.

I love you baby ... you and no one else but you. I love you so much.


~Jonathan~

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